The End or the Beginning?

A lot of things have changed since my last blog post.  I haven't moved, quit my internship, changed my major, changed my outlook on life, or dyed my hair (although I can't wait to put that purple streak back in my hair when I go back to school).  But somehow, everything is different.

Today, or rather this past week, marks a lot of new beginnings.
I'll start with last Sunday, July 3rd.

I've blogged before about a girl named Taylor Meriwether.

She was a very special girl.  That's right, I said "was."  She passed away last weekend when her heart failed, and her parents decided to pull the plug in the hospital.  The good news?  She was better.  She was no longer suicidal, and she was on her way to being a new person.  She didn't get the chance.  Mentally, she may have been healing, but not physically.  I never got to meet her, but she was and always will be an inspiration to me.  No 16-year old should ever have to endure what she did.  Sometimes, I'm not sure that it's hit me yet that she's gone.  Her story will always remind me of the power of one person.  It took one person to post her suicide note on Tumblr, and another to reblog.  It took one person to stop Taylor from killing herself.  And it only took Taylor to help inspire hundreds.  You may not think you matter, but you do.  It was the end for Taylor on Sunday, but just the beginning for all her friends and supporters.

Another ending I'm dreading is the end of my summer in Nashville.  I've never loved a city so much (although New York and San Diego are still up there).  I'm currently sitting in a Starbucks in Hotel Indigo, my favorite building downtown.  I wish I didn't have to leave when they close in a half hour, and I am dreading leaving this city in 3 and a half weeks.  If you love music, you'll find this to truly be a magical place.  I am finally working my first concert tomorrow at the Auditorium, and I am beyond excited.  I really can't wait to soak up every bit of knowledge I can, and watch some magic unfold.  I think the most amazing noise is a crowd of screaming and cheering people, and there is no more gratifying feeling than knowing that you had something to do with this.  These people will remember this night for years to come, and you played an important part in making it a success.  I love that feeling.  I love that someone could simply stand on a stage and people go wild.  That someone could affect someone so positively to bring them to tears.  The power of one, the teamwork, and the most gratifying payoff.

Something else soon to end, is something very near and dear to my heart.  Harry Potter.  I've just finished watching hours upon hours of footage from the London Premiere of the final movie in this incredible series.  And it's all about to end.  It really dawned on me today, watching everyone at the premiere.  If ever there were a book series to recommend to someone, it would be this one.  The amazing thing about this series that dawned on me today was that there was not a single unimportant character in this story.  Every one of them had a purpose, and every one of them had something likeable about them.  Even the villains.  I don't know about you, but there is something about Bellatrix Lestrange that is just enthralling.  I love that character.  And I could say something to that effect for every single character in the book.  The uniqueness of this ensemble of characters really astounds me.  There is no other series in books or movies that I could say the same thing.  To J.K. Rowling (because I'm SURE you're reading this):  Thank you for the magic.  I would not be who I am today without Harry Potter.
This is such an important part of my childhood, and saying goodbye to it is almost like saying hello to adulthood.  I don't really feel like it, but I guess it's about time.

I think Starbucks is closing soon, so that's all for now.  But I feel like all of this is leading up to the beginning of something...I can feel it.

-AK

Most Bizarre Day EVER.

One of the first things I stumbled upon in my morning Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr check was this incredibly inspiring article, written by the lovely Jennette McCurdy.  Read it here: 

http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2011/06/11/off-camera-my-moms-fight-with-cancer/

I’ve been thinking about this article all day.  It just really stuck with me.  I was in the most interesting mood for the rest of the day.  I drove to downtown Nashville for CMA Fest (actually hoping that Jennette McCurdy didn’t cancel her appearance, as she is an aspiring country singer as well).  On my drive, all the songs I normally skip on my iPod, I wanted to listen to.  I was weirded out by myself (oh, the things that happen when you spend too much time by yourself…)

I couldn’t stop thinking about Miss McCurdy and her mother’s unfortunate battle, and how that must feel being in the spotlight all the time while everyone is expecting her to keep her smile wide and crack some jokes.

I showed up to Nashville to indeed find the absence of Jennette McCurdy’s name on the schedule for the Lay’s Stage in the Bridgestone Arena plaza (she’s been canceling several appearances recently to spend more time with her mom).  I was bummed out, and it just got me thinking more about what she had written in that essay.

I had driven a half hour, so I stayed for a couple of performances, including Sarah Darling and Hunter Hayes.  Sarah was absolutely adorable, as was Hunter Hayes.  Hunter played this song that I ended up recording on my camera.  It was called something like “I’ll Cry With You,” and it just seemed fitting that I record it for some reason.  At the time (less than 6 hours ago), I thought it was because of the article I had read that morning, still very prevalent in my thoughts.

Later, I got home and found that one of my friends had posted a song by Ke$ha on their Tumblr page.  It’s called “Goodbye.”  If you haven’t heard it, I urge you to listen to it RIGHT NOW.  It’s such a beautiful song.  I first heard this song I think around October, and it is still one of the most honest and beautiful songs I’ve heard in awhile.  

Once again, it just seemed to fit the tone of today: Weirdly Sad.

I’ve cried several times today, and I didn’t really know why, until about 30 minutes ago.

My mom called me, and after I answered I heard a monotonous voice on the other end say “Hi Amanda.”

My mind automatically went to Oh my god, something’s wrong.

Turns out, my grandmother had a heart attack today.  She’s brain dead. Her heart is beating, but she’s not breathing on her own. They’re pulling the plug as soon as my aunt gets there.

So thanks, I guess, to whatever angel up in heaven was preparing me for this.

Thanks for making me realize that there are worse things than suddenly dying at an old age.  You could be slowly dying at a young age.  Thanks for making me realize that I can always turn to music to help me sort through my problems.  That’s why we have sad songs.  And thanks for making me realize that all those old songs that I’ve heard too many times are kept on my iPod for a reason.  They’re the songs that can cheer me up, no matter how hard life gets.

When one of my grandmas passed away in the fall, I was surprised at how little I cried.  I was more relieved than anything to know that she wasn’t in any more pain.  Once again, I am surprised at how little I’m crying.  I should be crying more.  However, I’ve cried a lot today, and I feel a new understanding of…well, life (to sound incredibly cliche).

I will now spend my evening watching iParty with Victorious, because kids shows make me laugh.  They make me forget my problems and think about how simple childhood was.  And more than anything, Jennette McCurdy seems to be the center around this incredibly bizarre day, and she’s in this show.