One of the first things I stumbled upon in my morning Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr check was this incredibly inspiring article, written by the lovely Jennette McCurdy. Read it here:
I’ve been thinking about this article all day. It just really stuck with me. I was in the most interesting mood for the rest of the day. I drove to downtown Nashville for CMA Fest (actually hoping that Jennette McCurdy didn’t cancel her appearance, as she is an aspiring country singer as well). On my drive, all the songs I normally skip on my iPod, I wanted to listen to. I was weirded out by myself (oh, the things that happen when you spend too much time by yourself…)
I couldn’t stop thinking about Miss McCurdy and her mother’s unfortunate battle, and how that must feel being in the spotlight all the time while everyone is expecting her to keep her smile wide and crack some jokes.
I showed up to Nashville to indeed find the absence of Jennette McCurdy’s name on the schedule for the Lay’s Stage in the Bridgestone Arena plaza (she’s been canceling several appearances recently to spend more time with her mom). I was bummed out, and it just got me thinking more about what she had written in that essay.
I had driven a half hour, so I stayed for a couple of performances, including Sarah Darling and Hunter Hayes. Sarah was absolutely adorable, as was Hunter Hayes. Hunter played this song that I ended up recording on my camera. It was called something like “I’ll Cry With You,” and it just seemed fitting that I record it for some reason. At the time (less than 6 hours ago), I thought it was because of the article I had read that morning, still very prevalent in my thoughts.
Later, I got home and found that one of my friends had posted a song by Ke$ha on their Tumblr page. It’s called “Goodbye.” If you haven’t heard it, I urge you to listen to it RIGHT NOW. It’s such a beautiful song. I first heard this song I think around October, and it is still one of the most honest and beautiful songs I’ve heard in awhile.
Once again, it just seemed to fit the tone of today: Weirdly Sad.
I’ve cried several times today, and I didn’t really know why, until about 30 minutes ago.
My mom called me, and after I answered I heard a monotonous voice on the other end say “Hi Amanda.”
My mind automatically went to Oh my god, something’s wrong.
Turns out, my grandmother had a heart attack today. She’s brain dead. Her heart is beating, but she’s not breathing on her own. They’re pulling the plug as soon as my aunt gets there.
So thanks, I guess, to whatever angel up in heaven was preparing me for this.
Thanks for making me realize that there are worse things than suddenly dying at an old age. You could be slowly dying at a young age. Thanks for making me realize that I can always turn to music to help me sort through my problems. That’s why we have sad songs. And thanks for making me realize that all those old songs that I’ve heard too many times are kept on my iPod for a reason. They’re the songs that can cheer me up, no matter how hard life gets.
When one of my grandmas passed away in the fall, I was surprised at how little I cried. I was more relieved than anything to know that she wasn’t in any more pain. Once again, I am surprised at how little I’m crying. I should be crying more. However, I’ve cried a lot today, and I feel a new understanding of…well, life (to sound incredibly cliche).
I will now spend my evening watching iParty with Victorious, because kids shows make me laugh. They make me forget my problems and think about how simple childhood was. And more than anything, Jennette McCurdy seems to be the center around this incredibly bizarre day, and she’s in this show.
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